Love, Loss, and Life.

I've been reflecting a bit on my life as of late and thinking about the past. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes its not. This time, I believe it to be a good thing though. Over the past year I've seen couples break up after years of being together and I've seen some get married and tie the knot. Being that I'm rather tired, I'm just going to cut to the chase about what's on my mind right now.
When I was a teenager, there were some guys I dated and there were some guys I wanted to date but they didn't want to. I guess one would call that rejection. I am now 28 years old and I would like to say something to the guys out there that never did date me. Thank you. Wait a second (you may be asking)....are you actually thanking them for rejecting you, Susan? Oh yes, I am.
You see, the past five years I've been with the man that I had always dreamed of. We've had some rough times  and we've had some good times together, but all in all...I'm so happy to be with Gary. He really makes me happy and I love Him more each day that I look at Him. Each time, its like I'm falling in love with Him all over again. He's helped me through my insecurities, my depression, my heartache and He's built me up and has made me a better woman.
So, when I say thanks to the guys in the past that never dated me ...simply for the reason of : Thanks for not wasting my time. I think sometimes that it takes more of a heart to reject one because that way, you're not wasting your time and you're not wasting their time either. I'd rather know something up front than live a lie.
The reason I'm saying this is that I've seen some guys do that. It goes for a woman too. They force themselves (for whatever reason) to be with someone. Also, through them not dating me it left me open to find my (I know it's cliche) Knight.
I've been thinking about that this past week and I hope that I got my thoughts across correctly. So, the past is the past and Gary is my past five years, my present, and my future. I hope to have children with Him one day. To have a house and looking for many more years with the love of my life.
After seeing the beautiful wedding today of my best friend and his now wife, it makes me happy that 2 years ago I exchanged vows and it made me remember that day. I wish them well and hope they have many years of happiness as well.
For the other couple that I am friends with that recently broke up, maybe its for the best. You have to go through hell to get to heaven at times.
All in all, things happen for a reason and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Its not always a train either.
Until next time,
Love and God bless ~Susan

Vacation Mishaps Ramble

I haven't posted in a good while of just  writing out what I'm thinking, feeling, seeing, doing, ..and any other nice and nifty verb you could possibly think of. Anyways, Last week I was supposed to go see my dad and brother for my 9 day vacation. Alas, that did not work out as I had hoped and I am rather disappointed. Its made me actually quite depressed but I think I'm getting over it because I'm trying to come up with a back up plan and I would love to see them before 2011. I haven't hugged them since summer of 2009. I am getting quite homesick and miss them. My head and body was just completely worn down and I felt very ill. I am better this week (so far) and really am hoping it stays that way. Maybe my boss will let take an extra two days (unpaid of course) some week before Black Friday and Holidays hit. We shall see...I am trying to work as much as possible and drug myself up. It seems to help ..that and pretending it doesn't exist.
Anyways, aside from being disappointed, I am having a better week. Work has been very pleasant the last few nights and it felt good to vent out my frustration to a friend of mine. It helps to get it off your chest and I adore her advise of : Even if you have to write it down and then shred it, at least its not inside you being bottled up. I think I shall heed this advice.
I am going to be starting my new quarter of school next week and with that, comes change of weekly work schedule. Its cool with the other two supervisors that I work with if I take Monday and Tuesdays now. That is going to help so that I don't have to worry about getting to class at 8 in the morning and getting in at near 6 in the afternoon. Maybe I can do the customer supervisor job in return for them. Just a side note. I really do like being a Customer Service Manager at Wal-Mart and working there. You have good days, you have bad days. However, the cool thing is you never stop learning there and its really a blessing to have a job. Speaking of which, I have decided that as soon as Mrs. Gooche gets the time to do a meeting, I will be starting Avon Campaigns soon. They have it now where you can sell things online to people from anywhere so that will be a great thing. Maybe I can dabble in some YouTube videos or something and try to advertise. Who knows? We'll see.
The last thing I guess I'd like to talk about is that for my vacation my husband and I played a game called Guild Wars quite a lot. I actually beat the Prophecies part of the game and now am working on Eye Of The North. Its a fun game and I have a rockin' little warrior I play with on there. If anyone plays that game, hollar at me and we'll game sometimes.
Well, I guess that's about it for now. I'll try to update better. Hope everyone has a great week and God bless until next time.
Deathly Holler!
x0x0x0x0x0 ~Susan

Why should I remember 9/11?

Nine years ago, people's lives in the USA and around the world had changed. We have grown up in a era of wonderful cars, Television, Radio, and so much ease technologically wise. My generation had never heard about a war on our land. Well, scratch that..we had heard of it. It happened before. They taught it to us in History class. Pearl Harbor, the day that lived in infamy. December the 7th in the year 1941. We know from the movie we saw how tragic it was. We had been attacked for the first time that year on our American Soil, then a few months shy of 60 years later, it happened again. We remember it well. It is in our minds exactly what we were doing that day, for the most part. When I say for the most part, I will explain. My thoughts are a bit scattered and I'm not writing properly because the question that I saw deserves a bit of answering and maybe others will see. Why is it so important to remember September 11, 2001. Sure, it was a bad thing for a handful of lunatics to kill so many innocent people. To hijack a plane and destroy the lives. But, why should I always remember? That was the question I saw. Of course, its paraphrased but that's the general jest of it.
As I wipe the sleep out of my eyes, I remember that day so well 9 years ago. I cried as I watched the TV with my cousin. I remember driving to her house after class because for some reason, I knew I had to be with Samantha. I turned on my radio and heard it on every channel. The Twin Towers have been attacked, a plane has crashed into the first tower. Planes have been hijacked. I was shocked, I was stunned, I didn't know what to think. In that moment, I felt that our county was incredibly vulnerable, it wasn't safe. I remember when I got to her house, I knocked on the door and she was like OMG have you heard the news? I was like yes, I just had to come and be with you. We watched the TV, went outside and smoked, we cried, we didn't leave the doors unlocked. It was a horrible feeling. A feeling of, what else are they going to do now? What else is going to happen? Are they going to attack other places too? The tears we cried as we watched those people jumping out of the building, to their death because they had no other way to get out but they didn't want to be in there. Yes, they perished at the end of the jump but they were scared. From what I remember, most people's emotions were running so high that day. Everything ranged from a feeling fear, sadness, unknowing what was happening. Those attacks that we witnessed are deep in my mind because of those overwhelming feelings. To answer the question, why should you remember that day? Well, the answer to me is quite simple. That was the first time in my life that I had ever witnessed an attack so bold, so horrible, so...sick in my life. To take so many human lives.....for no other reason that just pure hatred and malice. I can recall what I was doing that day, how I felt, and remember my 19 year old self crying over it. So, why should you remember? So those people would not have died in vein. So we can remember our history and hopefully find a way where it would never happen again so our children won't see such a heinous attack on our soil so that they will never know that type of pain. It made me realize that we weren't completely immune to such an attack. It could happen again, and I pray to God that it doesn't. I haven't forgotten and neither have a lot of people. I guess my question after remembering that day just like it was yesterday is: Why not remember?
Things happen that are bad all over the world, I realize that and I'm not saying that we shouldn't remember that. But, that day is a day that should stick out in our minds that we aren't as invulnerable as we had thought. Maybe I am hoping for too much for peace and the hope that it won't ever happen again. Its happened twice in the last hundred years, pray that it won't happen again.
That's all I've got to really say about it....