Trust

How do I begin a piece on such a small,five letter word? A word that has taken up most of my thoughts of today, in truth. Its something that a lot of people find such a rare thing in others, even more so rare than love I think and I have been thinking on it. When you're a child, everything is plausible and you take the word of your parents or the adults around you as infallible.  When they tell you that Santa Clause is a very real person who comes each year at night on one special day of the year to leave you gifts, you are young. You are innocent and you have no reason not to believe that could possibly not be so. The first time you get a cut that you remember and you believe that it won't hurt because that adult (doctor, parent, whatever), but the sting comes into play and you think to yourself,"That did actually hurt there." The little things that start to make you question whether or not you should trust happen, you arch a brow when you don't entirely believe what someone is telling you, and then one day, you find yourself in a place in your mind. You're surrounded by walls and walls of solid concrete filled with cement that you've built around your mind and your heart. You have began the process of not trusting so much, being skeptical, and starting to not let people in so much as you once did so many years ago.
Oh, I have reasons why I don't trust as readily as I once did. I am getting better at it, but its still a very long and winding road. I suppose the first time I really began to build the walls around my heart is when I had lost my mother. Of course, the pain of losing her was great but it was not that in itself that made me stop trusting. I knew God would more than likely take her because I did pray to Him a certain prayer at one point during her illness. No, this had something to do that happened after the fact. It stemmed from the notion that I wanted someone I could let it in. I possibly could befriend and have someone I could be close to.
As a child and a teenager, I was far from outgoing or popular in any sense of the word. I was very quiet, shy, and kept to myself. There was one person, though, that I took interest in that I decided to let in more than others. To make a very long story short, lets just say that I thought that this person was truly my friend and cared for me. I trusted him. I found out, though, that it was only because he happened to feel "sorry" and "pity" for me that he gave me the time of day. In truth, that very well shattered me and made me go all the more quiet. It was very hard for me to open up. It started to make the ability for me to trust not that easy anymore.
I've been through many other things that, of course, I won't go into too much detail. I've had my share of heartaches, bad relationships, and yes, even abuse. I did get out though so its all good and fine nowadays. The point of me writing this, though, is to work out my thought process. You see, I have so many reasons, just like any human on the face of this planet, not to trust at all. I guess, sometimes, I can be a bit on the naive side and childlike in some ways even though I am pushing 30 years old. I'm not quite there yet, but it is creeping up on me. I could have never let Gary inside and cried on his shoulder. I could have never let Otey know half the things he knows about me. I could have never even let a man that I have never even touched or have been in the  same room with know every single thing about me but I know I love him and trust him greatly. I could have, and if this were about 11 or so years ago when I was 18, I wouldn't have. When I was between the ages of about 16 to 19, I'd sooner look at the ground than make eye contact or cast you a smile. Now though, I think its better to cast that stranger a smile. To tell someone a kind word, even though some days I hurt so bad I feel I should just lay in bed and close out the world. I could never trust again as long as I live but I would be missing out on so much.
I have been jaded, hurt, misguided, and trampled upon. I do not hold grudges against those that have done those things to me because in a strange, odd sort of way: it has made me the woman I am right now at this very moment in time.
So, the question is that I have been going over in my mixed up mind is how do you get someone to trust that has been seemingly far more hurt than you have? The answer. I have to go back to what my mother would have said I suppose. Patience, love, and kindness. Be there for them. Hold them when they need someone. There is a lot of time and I like to think that I have the patience. You do things like that not out of "pity" or because you feel "sorry" for them. You hold them when they need it, you make them laugh when they are about to cry, and you take their heart in your hands and you hold it like its the most delicate thing on this planet. You do all of those things because of a smaller word: love.
How does someone sum up love and trust? Love can't be touched or tasted. You can't do that with trust either. You can feel it in the deep, dark recesses of your heart and soul though. Once you have it, don't let it go and cherish that moment. Protect it with all you have. Love, true love, not a romantic thing here I'm talking about. Love that you know would do anything under the sun to protect, to see you through the pain and the good, through the rough times and the good times, and to stand at your side no matter what. Trust that is unwavering and wouldn't tell you "feel good" things just to make you feel great. Trust isn't making someone feel important to make yourself feel important because for a moment in time you felt sorry for a certain individual and you thought they'd be a good charity case. No, no, a thousand...a million times no...Trust is holding on to that person so tight and telling them the truth but showing them compassion in the darkness of it all. You let them know that no matter how bad it seems, under no circumstance are they alone in this crazy thing we call life. You do all you can to protect that person from what you can and what you can't, you stand there right beside them and you face that fire right alongside them.
If you find that, keep it....because it is very well one of the best things in this world and no amount of money can buy that. You know, I believe trust and love are very much one in the same...such small words, but they have such a great meaning and story behind them.